Wow..what just happened here?

Somehow, I have completely and unequivocally lost my way. I have been so focused on my problems (which are many) and I have forgotten about those in pain around me. I weep for others my heart goes out to them but inevitable I (yes I) always look for a shoulder to cry on. It is absolutely ridiculous.

I have been through a lot in the past year but my friends I have survived. I'm alive. My daughter is happy,healthy, beautiful,curious and ALIVE. My husband is alive. What is there to be upset about? Do I need to wallow in self pity, doubt and despair. No, but God help me sometimes I slip. And when I do, I slip hard.

Does it take a lifetime to undo what has been done? When I was younger (and not so young), it helped me to tell others what I was going through. I would feel better knowing that someone else could feel my pain and help me through the muck. What is going on here? I think about that person and I cringe. Unfortunately, old habits die painfully and ultimately very slowly. I'm not saying we don't all need an outlet or someone to help us through our sorry but channel it in a more productive way. This is not (for lack of a better phrase) a pity party.

The losses that I've suffered are mine alone, my burden to carry and again mine alone. There will be those in your life there to help cushion your path and wipe the sweat from your brow but they can not nor should they shoulder any of this burden for you. This yolk was given to you for a reason and a lesson can be learned from each trial and every adversity.

By "slipping" the way I do, my faith in God has weakened. It would appear that the shield that surrounds us all has a flaw. This is not the case. The shield does not have the flaw, I'm just not using it.

My challenge to myself and those in need is to hold on to you faith even when things seem the darkest. Hold fast when there is nothing else but that faith. What else can you do but prevail?